Fangirls Rock-A Frerard

They wanted to end with a bang. They had been onstage for what felt like hours now and the four men, three of whom were still fully clothed (Frankie had discarded his shirt) were all immensely ready to get off the stage. Gerard talked to the crowd, thanked them for coming out and for all their support throughout the years as Frankie and Ray switched up guitars and Mikey tuned his bass back to it's pristinely kept quality sound. They played "You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison" and each of the four members poured every ounce of heart they had left into the song. Ray's fingers moved nimbly over his strings and fret board as he put to use his proclaimed guitar skills. Mikey was head banging in time with the beat of the drums and strutting around the back of the stage like no one was watching him and he was the most incredible thing to ever walk the planet (admittedly, he is pretty damn great). Frank was swinging his Fender every which way, jumping all over the place and just generally spazzing out in the way that only Frankie can. Gerard was belting every word, letting every syllable fan out over the audience as they screamed and cheered.

Gerard spotted a girl in the front row who had been singing along with every word of every song the entire night. She was jumping and slinging her long, white blonde hair in every imaginable direction. He caught her eye and flashed her one of his award winning smiles, sending her into screaming fits and only making her cheer all the more. As he moved toward Ray on the stage, he noticed the shirt that the girl was wearing. It was a white, fitted v-neck t-shirt just like you could find anywhere. But this shirt was definitely one of a kind. Screen printed across it in big, bold, letters the same shade as Gerard's hair was, "I (heart) FRERARD" Inside the heart, was a familiar picture of he and Frankie where Frank was puckering his lips and Gerard was kissing Frank's cheek. Gerard stifled a giggle as he continued singing, but let a small blush grace his pale cheeks. He couldn't help thinking, as he neared the middle of the second verse, that this song had been one that he and Frank had constantly fooled around during. Remembering their stage antics and forgetting that his wife was in the wings watching, he strutted across the stage towards and unsuspecting Frankie. Gerard caught Frank's eye and they instantly leaned toward each other resting their foreheads against one another as Frank kept playing and Gerard kept singing. Gerard looked dead into Frankie's eyes and gave him a slight wink. As he went to pull away and finish the song, for a brief moment, he caught Frank's lips with his and gave him a short, but loaded kiss.

He strolled back towards the center of the stage as the fans, girls and guys alike squealed from the audience. He finished the song and showed no signs of hesitation as they moved straight into their last number, "Vampire Money". They played the song with as much intensity as their heat stricken, exhausted bodies would let them. Gerard neither avoided Frank or clung to him. It was as it was in any other show, he just played on. Interacting with the crowd, jumping around stage, head banging at any given opportunity, he even risked his life and ruffled Ray's fro.

"Thanks for coming out everybody! You've been fucking amazing! We'll see ya next time you crazy mother fuckers!" Gerard screamed into the microphone over the roar of the crowd. As soon as he finished his sentence, he abandoned his mike and ran off stage. Ray, Mikey, and Frank were all hot on his heels.

"Gerard you fucking idiot! If you ever touch my fro again I swear to God I will fucking kill you!" Ray shouted at him, pulling him into a playful headlock once they were backstage.

"Fucking killer show." Mikey piped up.

"Hell yes it was!" Frankie agreed, throwing his long discarded shirt onto one of the large black crates that held all of their equipment on tour.

He jumped up and sat on top of it, swinging his short legs around I his still euphoric state. Ray and Gerard continued to act like 10 year old boys and play fight for a few moments before Ray walked away to talk to one of the crew members about something that Gerard could only assume was guitar related. No one mentioned the kiss, because it was nothing new or out of the ordinary. Gerard and Frank had everything but (and sometimes exactly that) dry humped  each other on stage so many times, that it was now just something they had come to expect.

"Hey Gee, do you know what I did with my phone? I gotta call the ex-wife and check on my girls." Frank chimed, making sure to exaggerate the disdain in his voice when he addressed Jamia as his ex-wife.

Frank and Jamia had split up recently and were in the process of divorce. Frank hadn't left and abandoned them. He hadn't left Jamia at all. It was exactly the opposite. One week, Frank came home to find an empty house and a letter from Jamia waiting for him. The letter had told him that she couldn't deal with his being gone so much ad that it wasn't fair to Cherry and Lily for him to always be gone, but she knew she could never ask him to leave the band. Frank had always loved Jamia for the respect he had for the guys. She knew that they were his sanity and at some moments, his reason to stay alive. They had been there long before she had, and they had a special bond that no wife or daughters could change. Up until then, she had never wanted to change it. She simply got tired of being alone. She grew weary of telling their twins that daddy would be gone for weeks at a time for  years to come. She couldn't help feeling like it would be easier on the twins if she left him now, while they were still young enough to not know the difference, than when they were older and could understand that mommy and daddy were never going to be together again. Frank had cried for days on end and begged and pleaded with Jamia. When that failed, he did the only thing he knew to do. He agreed to let her have her way, signed the divorce papers, and called Gerard to come and be his shoulder to cry on. After a few months, and a few harsh conversations with Jamia, Frank was coming to terms with it. He was still allowed to see his daughters at any time and he took full advantage of this. He called everyday to ask how they were doing, just like he did when he and Jamia were still married. He had resigned himself to the fact that Jamia would be happier and probably better off with a husband who could be there for her every day.

"I think you left it in your other pants Frankie. I gotta go find Lynz. I'll catch up with you in a few k?" Gerard said before disappearing from the room.

Frank dialed the number as he had a million times before and waited for the same greeting. "Hello Frank." She always answered the phone that way these days. Not a hint of cheer or playfulness in her voice when she spoke to him. He had heard rumors of her dating someone new, and at first, he was admittedly upset, but then reminded himself that sometimes when you love someone, you have to think of their needs and their happiness first.

"Hey Jamia. We just finished the show. How are the  girls?"

"They're fine. Like they always are Frank." She said, sarcasm and loathing coating her voice.

"Are they still up?"

"No."

"Oh. OK. Well, just be sure and tell them I called in the morning. Have them call me if they want. I think we'll just be on the road all morning, so I'll be able to talk to them, if you guys get a chance to call." Frank mumbled, sadness lacing his words.

"I'll tell them you called. You know they don't understand any of this Frank. Hell, you don't even understand this do you?" She spit bitterly.

"Not really Jam. I mean, I get that you need a husband who can be around and I just can't be. But I don't understand why you're so angry at me. You're the one who left. You're the one who filed for divorce. You're the one who wanted this, so why is it suddenly my fault?" He muttered nervously.

"Frank, this isn't about us. I filed for divorce and I left you because I deserve to have a husband who's here and who doesn't always make me a distant second to Gerard fucking Way. I am talking about our daughters though. You just don't get the fact that they don't understand you calling everyday. It doesn't make any difference to them. And frankly, it just annoys me. I don't want to talk to you every day. They don't know the difference, but I do." She yelled into the phone.

"Jamia, you were never second to Gerard. How could you even think that? And I know that they're still too little to know the difference or to care at all,  but I have a right to ask about my daughters and I know that every day when you tell them that I call that they always smile. Don't they?" Frank's pseudo confidence was fading fast as he awaited what he knew would be an angry reply.

"Frank if something happens with Cherry and Lily I promise I will call you and tell you! Until then, just stop! Stop calling and hassling me everyday! Stop assuming that they give a damn one way or another! And stop pretending that just because you call to make sure they're still breathing that you're a good father! It's your choice not to be here, but it's my choice whether or not I answer the phone every night and deal with your same old stupid shit! And as for us, I have always been second to him. He was always the first person you called to tell anything to, he was always the first person you invited to play tagalong to anywhere we were going, he was always the one you woke up talking about and fell asleep talking about. Hell, who do you think you're kidding with the fact that you think I don't know about you two? I have always known! It was no secret to me that you two were fooling around and getting mixed up in some pretend relationship! Just because Lynz is blind to it, doesn't mean I am! Frank he is never going to leave her and Bandit! Look, you're gonna have to face facts with him someday, and when you do, I won't be there. And guess what, I don't even care about you two and your stupid attempts to pretend you could actually be together. But you need to stop denying what you know is true and you sure as hell need to stop calling me and expecting my sympathy for you in any regard."

She ranted, and then she hung up. Frank sat flabbergasted, mouth near to falling open, completely overwhelmed by everything that had just been said. He didn't move when the dial tone began to sound on the line. He just sat in shock. It wasn't until the robotic voice informed him that, "If you would like to make a call, please hang up and try again" was his only option. He closed his phone and slipped it into his pocket. He needed to think, he needed to cry, and mostly, he needed Gerard. He slipped out of the vacant room, hoping to leave his pain with the darkness. He walked down the hallway, uncharacteristically depressed and out a set of exit doors to what he hoped was the secluded side of the parking lot. He emerged, half expecting a hoard of fans to be lurking in wait. Instead, he walked out into the parking lot, into vacancy.

The only person he saw was a tall, slender girl, with long, white blonde hair and what looked to be bright green/light brown eyes. She donned a pair of ripped up skinny jeans, worn down Chuck Taylor's, and a white v-neck t-shirt that said "I  (heart) FRERARD, with a picture of Gerard kissing his cheek in the heart. She also had a well-aged, beaten down black messenger bag slung haphazardly over one shoulder and a pair of aviator sunglasses perched on her head. Upon seeing him, she had flashed him an elated smile and walked toward him with obvious eagerness in every step.

"You're Frank Iero." She said, a heavy accent in her voice, but from where Frank couldn't tell.

"So I am." Frankie smiled, trying to push away thoughts of Jamia's harsh words and of collapsing into Gerard's arms to cry. He wanted to be back on the tour bus, hiding away in his bunk, waiting for Gerard to come comfort him, but Frank had always been the one to go out of his way for the fans. Since it was just the one girl, he decided he could spare a few moments for her. Honestly, he hoped that she would serve as some minor distraction from his agony.

"Can I take a picture with you?" She chirped enthusiastically.

"Course." Frank smiled genuinely, leaning in to let her snap a photo.

"Can I have your autograph too?" She squealed.

"Sure hun. Got a pen?" He chuckled as she swiftly pulled a marker and a picture of the band out of her bag.

"Did you make that shirt?" He asked her as he quickly scribbled a generic, "thanks a lot, you're awesome" message and his name on the picture.

"Yea, I did actually.  Took me about 20 tries to get it right, but I finally got it printed the way I wanted it." She smiled.

"It's pretty cool." Frank laughed, trying to remember the day that the photo had been taken on.

"Really? Wow…thank you!" She smiled even wider than before.

"Sure thing kid." Frank smiled back, pleased with the fact that he was making someone happy at least.

"You totally don't have to answer this question if you don't want to, no big deal, but….you and….Gerard….are you actually together?" She fumbled over her words and blushed at the hope that she heard in her own voice.

"Hmm…uhm…kinda I guess? It's complicated." Frank choked on his words and a single, crystal tear ran down his cheek.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm so sorry!" the girl squealed, guilt washing over her face.

"O no, you're fine honey. Just…hard to…you know what? I really shouldn't do this, but you seem like a genuinely sweet kid, and I feel like I can trust you, kinda, not to mention, if I don't say this to someone, it's gonna kill me, so I'm gonna take the risk of you telling the press what I'm about to say and say it anyway…" Frank trialed off.

"I won't tell the press. I swear. I think that stuff is your business. It's not mine to tell." She voiced bravely.

"Thank you. Alright, kid, here's the deal. Jamia and I are in the process of getting a divorce, sure you've heard about that one already. Gee and Lynz are still together…sadly. Gerard and I have always kind of been together, but not really. We know that we love each other, but both of us were always afraid of what kind of attention it would bring the band and how our fans would react if we were ever actually open about it. We kinda silently agreed that, like you said, it was our business. We never told Mikey and Ray, we sure as hell never told our wives or our fans. It was just our little secret, ya know? But I just got bitched out by Jamia for calling to check on my kids and honestly, right now, there's nothing I want more than to just fall into Gee's arms and cry. I know it's selfish of me, but I don't wanna hide our relationship anymore. I know that must seem awful, now that Gerard's the only one who really has everything to lose, but I just…I hate it being a secret. I hate that I love him and I can't even admit it! God I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to dump all that on you. I probably just ruined all the fun in that for you. I'm sorry." Frank spilled his guts, stopping at the end to catch his breath.

"It's ok. Actually, knowing that you guys really do love each other the way we've always thought kinda makes my life. I'm so sorry about Jamia. And I'm so sorry about Gerard and Lynz. Trust me, no one would be offended to find out that you and Gerard were together. Not many would even be surprised for that matter. I'm sorry that you have to hide it. It's not selfish of you to want to tell people. I think it's selfish of you both to think that you could carry on two relationships all these years. If you loved each other, why did you even get married? I know it's not my place to say this, but maybe you should tell Gerard that you hate hiding it. Tell him the truth, see what happens?" She spoke with sincerity and Frank couldn't help thinking that she had to be the most awesome fan girl ever.

"I don't know. I don't think I can risk losing Gerard for good by telling him that. He shouldn't have to leave his wife and daughter for me. Thank you for talking to me. You really are amazing. I think I'm just gonna go…fall apart a little bit. Thank you again." Frank said before turning back toward the bus and walking slumped over, head down, feet shuffling toward the sanctuary  of solitude that he craved.

The long haired girl stood there for a moment in an overwhelmed stupor. She thought about calling after Frank, but decided against it. She knew what she wanted to do, but didn't know if she had the courage, or would get the opportunity. Instead, she settled for walking back towards the front of the venue to see if she could get autographs from any other band members. She found a side door, the one she thought Frank had come out of and tested it. Surprisingly, she found it unlocked. She didn't know where the long corridor would lead, but she decided it was worth finding out. She moved quietly down the long hall towards where she thought she heard voices. As she neared, she heard a voice that she recognized and one that she didn't, but could only assume to be the obvious. She couldn't make out what Gerard was saying, but she could hear Lynz yelling loud and clear. She weighed the options of morality and potentially helping her idol out. Morality didn't stand a chance. She hid in a vacant alcove in the hallway, situating herself out of sight, but plenty close enough to hear what was being said, or rather, screamed.

"Gerard you are fucking married! You have a fucking daughter! You can't just randomly make out with Frank whenever the fuck you feel like it now! You're not 25 anymore! That relationship ended when you got married!" Lynz screamed.

Gerard surprised not only Lynz, but the hidden eavesdropper as well as he raised his voice and shouted back at her, "Jesus fucking Christ Lynz! It was no big deal! Frank and I fuck around like that all the time! You know that! It's not that big an issue!"

"Not an issue? Gerard I find great issue in the fact that my husband feels like he can just kiss his ex whenever the fuck he wants and play it off as some ruse for the fans!"

"I never said it was a ruse for the fans. It's not. I'll be the first to admit it. I love Frankie, Lynz! You know that. You knew that when you married me! I mean, fuck Lyn, how many guys have you fooled around with since we got married? How many times have you fucked your band mates?! Look, I saw some chick with a "frerard" t-shirt on and we were playing "Prison" and it just made me think of the way things were before. It was one little kiss, it wasn't a big deal." Gerard stood his ground, confidence backing him and knowing all the while that he was lying to Lynz, to himself and to Frankie. He knew it wasn't fair, but he also knew that the chances of him getting what he wanted were slim in this.

"Gerard, it was a big deal! IT IS A BIG DEAL! If I had known that I would be expected to take a backseat to Frank when I married you, then I'd never have done it! Goddamnit Gerard! Look, I have to go call my mother back and check on Bandit. My flight leaves in an hour and it'll take me about 40 minutes to get to the airport. That means that when I get back, you have about 10 minutes to grovel and beg and you better have a fucking good apology ready Gerard." Lynz screamed before he bolted from the room, slamming the door behind her.

When she was sure that Lynz was gone, the blonde haired eaves dropper climbed out of her hiding spot and walked timidly toward the door of the room that Gerard was in. She took a deep breath hoping to secure whatever little courage she could find. She knocked on the door lightly before turning the knob and walking in. She found Gerard sitting in the floor, head in his hands, shoulders shaking, knees pulled tightly to his chest.

"G-Gerard?" She muttered shyly.

Not recognizing the voice that was addressing him, Gerard looked up and met the eyes of the girl with the blonde hair and the frerard t-shirt from the concert. "Uhm…hi? Can I…what are you doing here?" he asked, hoping he didn't come off as rude.

"I know I'm probably not supposed to be in here…um…ok I was outside right? And Frankie walked out and he signed and autograph and took a picture with me and we talked for a while and long story short, he told me about you two. Please, don't be mad at him. He was crying and I pushed the subject and got him to tell me what was wrong and I pretty much left him no choice. I'm sorry. Look I know it's not my place, but your boyfriend or whatever the hell he is….he's out in the tour bus 'falling apart'." She made air quotes with her hands to signify that that's what Frank had said to her. "I've been sitting out here in the hallway hoping that one of you guys would walk by and I've heard a good bit of your fight with Lynz and I know it's none of my business, but why in the hell do you stay with her? I know you have Bandit, but she's still young enough that it won't make much of a difference. Plus, she's used to both of you being gone, so it wouldn't be all that hard on her more than likely. I'm just saying, Lynz…well honestly…she kinda treats you like shit. And I know you're not happy with her. And I know you love Frank…I'm sorry…I know this is none of my business. I'll go." She turned for the door when a meager voice stopped her.

"Wait. I do love Frank. But we agreed a long time ago that it would be risking too much for us to openly be together and I just can't ask him to be ok with me wanting to tell people. That wouldn't be fair. And I want to leave Lynz, for obvious reasons, but I feel like I'd be abandoning Bandit and that just doesn't feel right. I love Frank, but…it's just out of my hands honestly." Gerard sighed exasperatedly.

"Ok seriously? Gerard I am a huge fan and have a massive amount of love and respect for you…but you are oblivious. Frank WANTS to tell people. He told me that he could never ask you to give up your wife and daughter for him so he would just go on pretending he was ok with hiding your relationship. Look, I know you love Bandit and I'm sure that you are an incredible dad, but the older she gets, the harder it will be for you to leave and the harder it will be on her when you two finally  break down and split up. Neither one of you is happy. I mean, didn't you say Lynz had been fucking around the entire time you were married? I'm just saying…you're the only one who has any control over this, and I think if you're honest with yourself, you'll find that here is not where you wanna be."

"You're right. This isn't where I belong. Bandit is practically being raised by her grandparents anyway…It's not fair to any of us for me to stay. I gotta do this. You're right….I'm gonna do this. Lynz will be back any minute, so as sweet and awesome as you've been, you gotta go. Where's your camera?" Gerard smiled.

The girl pulled her camera, sharpie and the picture Frank had signed from her bad and thrust them excitedly at Gerard. He scribbled down an autograph and they smiled together for the picture. She shoved her things back in her bag and went to leave, but again, Gerard stopped her.

"Hey wait. Do me a favor? Grab that notebook, write down your name and address k?" Gerard was grinning brightly, and a little suspiciously, but as a fan, you just don't tell Gerard Way no. So she grabbed the notebook, scrawled down the requested information and gave Gerard a quick and awkward hug.

"Go get 'em Gerard." She squealed and with that, she and all of her blonde headed glory disappeared from the room and down the hallway in the opposite direction of the door she had entered in.

Perfect timing, the door swung open and Lynz stomped in, clearly still furious. "Well what'd you come up with?" She spat smugly.

"Go to hell Lynz." Gerard grinned.

"What the fuck did you just say to me?" Lynz snarled.

"Go. To. Hell. Look Lyn, I love our daughter, but I don't love you. I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't wanna pretend that everything is ok for Bandit's sake. It's only gonna be harder on all of us, especially her if we wait and split later. Clearly, this isn't working. You don't wanna take a backseat to Frank, and to be quite honest, I don't want you in the car at all. I should have done this a long time ago, because you're right, Frank is a big deal. And it's time I treat him the way he deserves. I'll come by and get my stuff when I get back to town k? Have a good flight." Gerard said flatly. He gathered up his stuff and left Lynz alone in the room. He ran into the hallway and bolted for the door that led to the back parking lot of the venue where he knew he'd find the tour bus and more importantly, Frank. He slammed through the double doors and tore across the parking lot toward the large bus. He hastily pulled out a key and unlocked the bus before jumping inside and locking the door behind him. He dropped his stuff in the front room and made a mad dash toward the bunks. He pulled the curtain of Frank's bunk, knowing he would find him there. He was completely caught off guard when he looked down to see an empty bed with the covers still neatly made up. He thought to run around the  bus in confusion and try to find Frank, but then he heard a soft whimper of  his name and he knew where Frank was. Gerard pulled the curtains on his own bunk and found Frank nestled into his sheets with the comforter pulled up over his head, clinging to the Gerard-scented pillow like his life depended on it.

"O Frankie." Gerard sighed, climbing into his bunk and pulling back the mass of blanket that covered his small lover. "Come 'ere." Gerard pulled the tangled up mess that was Frankie into his lap and held him tightly against his chest.

"Gee…she…it…I…"Frank couldn't form coherent words. Instead, he buried his face in the crook of Gerard's neck and sobbed, clinging to him now instead of the pillow.

Gerard petted Frank's hair soothingly and tried to hush the crying man. "S'okay Frankie. Shhh. It's okay." He placed a gentle kiss to Frank's forehead as he held him ever tighter.  "I gotta tell you something Frankie. Please look at me baby."

Frank pulled back and looked up at Gerard with eyes red and swollen from incessant crying. Gerard wiped the tears trailing down Frank's red cheeks. "I met a girl tonight. She had really pretty long blonde hair, sweet smile, 'Frerard' t-shirt. I think she's a friend of yours?" Gerard smiled jokingly.

Frank couldn't help but let a small grin tug at the corners of his lips as he remembered the girl who had talked to him and comforted him earlier that night.

"Well, she told me all about your little talk. And she heard me fighting with Lynz. And she told me something that I should've known all along and well…Frankie I left Lynz. She was ranting and raving about the kiss and we got into a huge fight and she told me she didn't want to take a backseat to you and she kept saying what a big deal it was. So I told her that she was right, you are a big deal. And I left her. Frank, I'm so sorry I didn't say this sooner. It should have been this way all along Frankie. If you want, I wanna tell people about us. I don't want it to be a secret anymore baby. I love you Frank Iero. I always have. I wanna spend my life with you Frankie. I love you so much." Gerard didn't wait for a reply before gently kissing Frank and pulling back into his chest, holding onto him tightly, silently vowing to protect him from whatever would come and to love him more than anything he had ever known.
"I love you too Gerard. I always will. I….I don't know what to say. Thank you. I love you so much." Frank wrapped his arms tightly around Gerard and the two sat their embracing each other and exchanging kisses and "I love you"-s.

"I wish I had gotten that girl's name." Frank said abruptly.

"I did. Got her address too. I know we need to thank her, but don't worry, I already have something in mind…"